A Long, But Honest Post

Our life is complicated.  This is something that many of you may not know.  We have worked very hard for every minute of our 13 years of marriage.  We’ve been in some form of counseling for a least half of it.  God has blessed us with the grace and wisdom to know that we could not have made it this far without the help of others skilled in the art of successful human interaction.  Getting married at 19 years of age is rarely if ever a good idea.  But, we are making it.  It’s not always easy and for sure we’ve wanted to give up so many times.  But I think in the middle of the disagreements and tough times, we could always see a glimmer of hope.  We have realized that most of our battles weren’t really with each other, but with elements of our history before we ever met.  A healthy dose of empathy matched with the guts to work though those aforementioned elements contribute greatly to a successful outcome. Love and Prayer is the tie that binds strong families together These are things that many of us bloggers to write much about.

Usually when we search the blogosphere, we’re met with sweet syrupy stories about how wonderful life is and how people make easy decisions that keep their lives uncomplicated.  My honest assumption is that most of our lives are somewhat multi-layered and complicated to some degree.  Blogging for many of us is an escape. It helps some of us in a therapeutic kind of way to stay focused on the best things of our life that bless us and provide meaning.  But, life isn’t always wonderful is it?

See, at our best we are:

• A loving husband who is a ‘fixer’ and wishes he could save the world.
• A caring wife who will go out of her way to please people to let them know that she cares about them
• A sweet and precious daughter who lights up a room with her smile and laughter
• An unborn son who is vibrant and energetic

Oh, but at our worst we are:

• A loving husband who probably brings up old stuff way too often.
• A caring wife whose mood fluctuates from day to day.
• A sweet and precious daughter, who throws tantrums, takes too long to eat her breakfast in the morning, finds every excuse to get out of bed at night and drinks her own bath water.  But, who doesn’t, right?  I know I do. (Just kidding people)
• An unborn son who kicks the hell out of his mom’s insides. (It wouldn’t sound as funny if I had said “heck”)

See, Me and Mrs. Jones don't always have a 'thing' going on. A couple of weeks ago, we were in somewhat of a rut.  Sometimes we can take a trivial issue and turn it into a big deal.  If we just step back and look at the big pictures, things really aren’t that bad.  It’s just a dumb argument.  Unfortunately, we don’t always stick to the details of the disagreement at hand and end up in the muddy waters of old, dead or non-related issues.  After a couple of days of barely talking to each other because A) She wanted to be heard and her feelings validated and B) I was done with the discussion because I was tired of talking about it.

When I got to work on yesterday, we exchanged a few emails like all couple do when they when they have access to email at work.  After a few heated exchanges, the light clicked on.  This is how it went.

Me:

Okay, well this makes perfect sense then. 

Do you know that we are soooo blessed?  One thing that I do understand is that you can be extremely blessed and not be 100% happy. 

I think that the difference between your being blessed and  having 100% happiness is the faith you need to make it through the day, the year, to take care of your family and attempt to resolve life’s issues with the help of God. 

No, I’m not say that if you are 80% happy, then you only need God’s help with 20% of your problems, but that you also need God’s to help with the 20% that’s not so perfect.  It’s only because of God that you feel 80% blessed, so in essence you are really 100% God reliant. 

I’m rambling…  (and probably making very little sense)

Mrs. Jones:

WHAAAT?  Lol! But yes I do know that we are blessed, and I think I kind of get what you are saying.  I am beginning to realize each day how lucky (blessed) I am and we are. I know that nothing will ever be perfect, or shall I say my type of perfect. But I do believe that they will get better and livable.  I am beginning to see things in a whole new light, but I am still having some difficulty keeping it shining on a constant basis.  I know that it is only by the grace that we receive from God that we:

#1. Found Ah Chew (our marriage counselor (Ah Chew is not his real name (Pat Morita's character on Sanford & Son)), who is truly a Godsend in this stage of our life. Sorry, don't mean to be overly parenthetical here.  I always wanted to use the word parenthetical. Sorry

#2. That we are getting this house and that financially, no matter how careless we were in the past and I am now, it has still worked out beautifully and seems to be really coming along way more smoothly that I could imagine.

#3. That we have 1 ½ beautiful children with, so far no real health problems and still love us, even though we have jacked them up so far.  But even in that I know we will get there before he turns 18 – lol!

#4. We are still together through the battles of trust, family, friends and bipolar, we have still come this far. 

We are blessed and that is something I know for a fact I need to stop taking for granted because I know firsthand, my life has “NEVER” been as good as it is now.  I am facing my past, even though I feel like I cry way too much and it hurts to feel.  I am accepting the fact that I will never be as perfect as other people seem. I have a great husband, who has major flaws, but still loves me even with my super major flaws that we will work through and get down to a minimum.  We have a diva as a daughter, who loves God so much that I have to hear her sing, “Yes, Jesus Loves Me”, especially when I feel the worst.  She reminds me every day that who I am is who she will become and if I don’t work on me, she will act the same way because I am who she will imitate.  Hence the desire to learn to love and enjoy life.  And I have a son, who I know God has chosen for a reason to bless us with.   There will be something about this little boy that will set him apart from the men that came before him in our families.  He has a calling. I feel it and I know it! So yes, sweetheart we are truly blessed and I can’t wait to be a blessing to others.

Sorry I am rambling too!!

Thank you for allowing me to share a small piece of the realness of our life.  We are truly blessed beyond measure.  We don’t have it all figured out, but we are striving to at least sort through most of it.  God Bless each of you as you do the same.  It’s not easy putting your bidness out there, but this is real life.  I hope this helps you to know that you’re not the only one who struggles in marriage sometimes. And yes, I got Mrs. Jones' approval before posting.  That's very important.